omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
