We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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