We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
