Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's like iHOP with fire
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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