"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
