Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
