Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
