Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
