Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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