I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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