I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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