PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
