Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
