dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
