Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
