Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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