He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
