Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
