Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize