you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
