Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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