Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
