I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
