i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
