I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
