how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
