He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
