My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
someone get that fucking seahorse.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
