This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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