I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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