i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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