Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
