I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
