I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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