I can tuck mytits in my pants
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We left an ass print on the piano.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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