I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
