We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
