I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
