you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
