She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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