i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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