The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
