I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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