I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
