Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
