Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
