I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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