i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
