i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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