my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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