Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
