Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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