Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
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But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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