I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
