so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
