Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
