I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
