just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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