My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My bed smells like the plague
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
