apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
