I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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