You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
