A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
