What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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