Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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