You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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