Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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