I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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