3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
