no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
