Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
