youre lurking in front of me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
